Here’s an honest recap of SEO de Janeiro including the highs and the lows. It was amazing, but I’m glad it’s over and there won’t be another one next year. Here’s why:
First, you need to understand that I react well to the pressure of even the most trying situations and don’t stress easily. But because I like when things go right, I plan and take actions to ensure that things go according to plans.
Sitting Pretty
We planned this event 5 months in advance of the February 20th start date. The event was slated for 30 people and we booked accordingly. By the end of December, the event was sold out and through the first 3 weeks of January we turned away 7 more potential speakers and attendees. At that point, we could not have asked to be in a better position.
Bailers and Flakes
Then a month before the event, we had our first cancelation. One of the speakers told me he was very ill and that it would not be a good idea for him to come. Fair enough, one out of 30 is bound to happen. But when I contacted the others who had been turned away, everyone had made other plans or could no longer attend. No big deal, there was still a month to go and I was sure that slot would be filled.
Over the next 4 weeks, I received a laundry list of “My Dog Ate My Homework” excuses from people that canceled on me. The only excuse I really liked was about a felony evading arrest charge, but I wouldn’t be surprised (or fault him) if he was just bailing to rendezvous with his overseas, playmate girlfriend.
Some of the excuses were probably legit, but there’s no way all of them were. I’m sure it mostly came down to laziness and over-commitment; flying half way around the world turned out to be more of an obstacle than anticipated. The stress from that month had me up to a pack a day, when I would normally only smoke about 3-4 cigs a day.
When all was said and done we had 21 people at the event. While this is probably close to the perfect number for getting to know everyone, when you shelled out the cash to reserve for 30, it’s a bitter pill to swallow. Moreover, I was worried about how the attendees would feel about expecting 30 and only seeing 21.
Fortunately the crew that did attend was absolutely top notch. I’d rather have the 21 we had than 30 that consisted of filler or newbies. Everyone had something to contribute and you really got to learn how a broad array of people were creatively killing it on the web.
Day 0
Even though the event was slated to start on the 20th, with more than half the people there on the 19th, we made a full day of it. The weather was a perfect 30 C for the entire week, so we took the 13 or so that was already there from the Copacabana to Ipanema Beaches drinking caprinhas and beers all along the way. Finally, we had a guided fevalla tour before wrapping it up at a 5 star restaurant for dinner.
Then we said that anyone who wanted to go out that evening could meet me at my hotel at 10:30 pm. Everyone was wiped out after a day of drinking and walking in the sun. When 10:30 rolled around, I too was exhausted and praying that everyone else would bail as well. Everyone did . . . except for the two people that arrived after the day of drinking and walking in the sun. Time to man up and head out.
Still, Thursday night was great. The three of us had some beers, bar food and awesome business conversations. Around 2:00 am, we wrapped it up to get ready for the first official day of the event.
The Girls
A month before the event, I sent my nephew down to Rio just to find girls to join us for the event. We started by calling modeling agencies and searching just about everywhere on the Net. Turns out that models only go to modeling events and that every other agency you can find is a front for prostitutes. Every conversation went something like “We want some nice Brazilian girls for dancing, drinking and partying”.
To which they replied “We have just the whores you are looking for!”
Doh! That’s not what we’re looking for. We just want Go-Go dancer types, not full service girls on “the programma.”
While I wouldn’t have a problem just getting 30 “working girls”, I didn’t know the other attendees well enough to make that kind of call. It could have been pretty awkward.
So we focused instead on talking to girls on the beach and at clubs. Now you’d think a pitch like “How would you like to come to a party at a mansion, with a pool, with free drinks and food where the average guy is making more than $1 Million a year” wouldn’t be a tough sell.
It was.
It was one of those things that sounded too good to be true and just about every girl thought we just wanted them there as prostitutes.
WTF is it with this country and whores?!?
Anyway, if I had it to do over again I would have charged the girls $10 a head rather than offer to pay them $100 just to show up and not blow me. We probably would have had 300 girls show up. It’s that whole Tom Sawyer Fence painting thing. 20/20 hindsight and all that.
Day 1
OK so back to the morning of the event. Day one was the Mansion Pool Party. We rented 4 vans and drivers to pick up everyone and shuttle them to the various events. They were pretty darn expensive, but since it worked flawlessly at Oktoberfest, I figured it was worth it.
Somehow, we managed to get drivers that had no idea where any hotel was. If you thought that 5 stops within 3 miles of each other in Rio would be a cake walk, you’d be sadly mistaken: as I was.
What should have taken 20 minutes took 1 hour and 40 minutes. I absolutely could not believe how such a simple plan could turn into such a clusterfuck so early. For someone like me who likes things to go according to plans, this was like nails on a chalkboard. The mansion not technically having an address didn’t help either.
We had most everyone to the party around 1:30 pm (even though it started at 12:00). The party itself was fantastic. The view, the pool, the music, and the food were awesome. Everyone was talking business, and I’m sure several joint ventures were formed right then and there. It became apparent that first day that the main goal of the event had already materialized: a meeting of hard-core, no-bullshit web entrepreneurs.
But what pool party could be complete without me being pushed into the pool with my smart phone?
Day 1: Brick Phone. Check.
Night 1
That night was slated for VIP at a club. Problem was, that in the week before the event, all the cariocas I talked to said that the club used to be good, but was now kinda shit. I had already put half the money down for the reservation, but I wasn’t about to bring everyone to a 2nd rate club.
All the locals kept raving that some block party was the place to be and how it was a real Carnival event. So we made the call to go there after dinner.
On the plus side, there were hot girls everywhere at the block party. It was packed for the “parade” that was due to arrive within the hour. Now, when I hear Carnival and Parade, I think costumes, samba and festivities.
What we got was a speakered up dump truck with very bad karaoke singers on top snailing it’s way through an overcrowded street at less than 1 mile per hour. How and why 30,000 people turned out for this “event” I’ll never know. Most people still had fun at the block party, but I considered it kind of a bust.
Day 2
Here’s how you translate times in different parts of the world:
Germany: 9:30 am means 9:25 am
New York: 9:30 am means 9:30 am
California: 9:30 am means 9:40 am
In Brazil: 9:30 am means sometime around 10:30-11:00 if at all.
Now you may be thinking that after not finding the hotels day one, those same van drivers would remember where the people they picked up yesterday were staying.
You’d be wrong.
A max of 5 stops within a 3-mile radius again took about an hour. In Germany, the drivers know where everything is and have GPS. In Brazil, they start late and have amnesia.
Our 10:00 am start time turned out to be about 10:45 with a few of the people just opting to walk or hop in a cab to the hotel.
The Conference
The conference venue was pricey but beautiful. We sat in a 5 star hotel overlooking the beach with great food served throughout the day.
After Introductions and a comprehensive Q&A, it was again clear that we weren’t dealing with your average group of armchair SEOs and wannabe gurus. The conversations often drifted into areas of legal advice, corporate structure and employee management. Particularly interesting to me was the transition from a 1-5 man shop with contractors to a larger organization of 40 or more. That’s exactly my goal over the next months and years.
I can’t go into detail about the ranking tips and tricks; that would break the circle of trust that allows for the open and honest conversations you just don’t get at other conferences. But I can tell you that these people know what works, and were not hesitant to answer each other’s questions on techniques that are really working for them.
What was cool is that everyone seems to be making money in a different way and there was a lot of synergy you could see forming for future projects.
Night 2
Saturday Night we had the entire VIP section reserved at Baronettis; which is one of the best clubs in Rio. There were issues getting the Vans close to some of the hotels because of various block parties throughout Ipanema.
Instead, those of us that had arrived had drinks at the bar next to Baronetti from about 11:00 pm til around 12:30. I was stressing the entire time because unlike, Thursday night (when I saw a line of girls around the corner), Saturday night was so far pretty dead. At one point I even asked one of the bouncers at Baronetti at around Midnight how the club was gonna be tonight and he said that next door would be better!
Wonderful – we have the bouncers at the club undercutting the place and sending people away and there isn’t nearly the traffic from Thursday night.
Fortunately, it turned out that the club was just a little slow to get started and the place was totally jumping by 1:30 am. - but for the 2 hours before then I was completely stressed.
The DJ was amazing, the girls were hot, and a great time was had by all.
Day 3: the Boat Trip
A great way to spend a sunny day is on a boat trip to a semi-private beach to have lunch and beers. I’ve done it in many places including Viet Nam, Florida, and even once in Brazil near Salvador. The agenda always consists of about an hour trip to the first Island, spend a few hours there, boat another 30 mins or so to the next island, some more time there and finally back to the port.
That’s exactly what I booked.
What we got was something different entirely.
We brought a little more than 2 cases of beer on the boat but didn’t bother with food – that would be taken care of at the restaurant on the beach (of course).
Can you hear the “three hour tour” music from Gilligan’s Island playing yet?
Instead of a little under an hour to the nice private beach, the trip started about a hour late and the boat took 2 hours to get to a VERY public, crowded, and dirty beach. The boat couldn’t come within 200 meters of the shore. This was a beach I wouldn’t take anyone to, let alone a VIP crowd.
To make matters worse, the boat that could come out to shuttle us to shore could only hold 6 people and was on your standard, slower than malaises Brazilian schedule.
A few others and I made a swim for it to see what was up. When we got to the beach it was even worse than it looked like from 200 meters away. And when I say crowded, I mean the most crowded beach I have ever been to.
While the boat ride and swimming in the open ocean was great, the destination was nothing like I was promised. Instead of being able to walk up to a nice restaurant, we were relegated to take out – no one in their right mind would want to go to that beach.
The whole situation tore me up. It should have been perfect, and several people told me they loved the boat trip. But it wasn’t at all what I contracted for and I felt like I let the group down. At that point, I sincerely apologized for the beach destination and was truly embarrassed that I had indeed given it my best effort.
I had intentionally left night 3 open in case anyone wanted to go to Sambadrome for Carnival. But no one wanted to go, and everyone instead expressed interest in going to another club. Plus, to make it up to everyone for the less than stellar beach destination, we agreed to take everyone out to another 5 star restaurant before going to VIP at the bubble club.
So I booked VIP for all of us.
Night 3
Around 9:00 pm we arrive at the restaurant and everyone stuffs themselves on the best food we’ve yet had on the trip. After another day in the sun and more food than you can imagine, by 11:30, all but 7 people wanted to call it quits and just be fresh for the last day of the conference.
So much for VIP at Bubble club. The 7 that still wanted to go out chose another popular venue and
I was able to get some much needed sleep.
Day 4
Amazingly, we were able to start on time. The Conversations were again awesome but by right around 3:00 pm, most of the people were engaged in side conversations or catching up on Skype and emails. At 3:15 pm, no one had any more questions to move the conversation along. A freeform discussion does have its drawbacks. At that point, another prepared presentation might have been a good idea but I think a lot of people were just wiped out from a week of business and partying.
There were some more unofficial festivities for the next 2 days but that falls outside the scope of this already too long Rio recap.
If I were to do another Rio trip, which I won’t:
1. It would not be during Carnival. No one was really into the whole Carnival thing and the added crowd and prices were really a waste.
2. We would not rent Vans – we would just get taxis everywhere.
3. We would have more canned presentations – at least 3 hours more in case the conversations died down.
4. I would have everyone stay at the same hotel and book the rooms well in advance. None of the 3 mile radius thing that caused so many logistical problems.
5. I would send someone on the boat trip ahead of time to make sure the beach is like the photos.
For me, all that stress made it so I could never just relax and have fun. But even with all the snags, I’d have to say the trip was amazing and I’m pretty sure all the attendees would agree. If you missed it, you missed out on fantastic event that will never happen again.
But there will be more SEOktoberfests.. Most of the people in Rio expressed interest in going. These headaches didn’t happen at the First Oktoberfest and won’t happen this year. Germany is just a much easier place to run an event than Rio.
Also, like 2 weeks ago I woke up and went to have a cigarette only to realize that I don’t smoke anymore. That was a letdown.
looks Amazing:
Speculation about a “G-Drive” has been around for years: A GDrive being hard disk space in the cloud, accessible from anywhere on the bullet-proof infrastructure of Google.
is like driving into a tub full of tits. It’s that fucking awesome.
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as the prize for the best post of the next 40 days. Posts entered through April 11th will be eligible and voting will take place for the following 10 days.
